Round Here

You can’t quite tell it (unless you can smell it) `round here but Autumn has officially arrived.

It’s a balmy 95 degrees today. I have the shades drawn, the AC turned down to 70 degrees Fahrenheit and some sort of orange-cinnamon-pumpkin-fake-cake concoction baking into thin air.

Lord why don’t they make a more comforting smell to compliment fall? Why?! I can hear the atoms colliding in the space around me! Why is this room spinning faster than the earth?

Whew! I don’t know why I’m in such a state. Maybe it’s the fake cake that’s baking. Maybe my hands cramp too much for typing. Maybe I need another nap?

Maybe? The truth is I am rather erratic today and maybe I lied. I suspect I’m in such a state because…

Well… You see…

Deep breath and confess.

I’m nursing a hangover. A post bachelorette weekend party hangover but I can explain.

You see we went to this place and had some drinks…

And then some more places and some more drinks…

I couldn’t stop `em, the girls and the drinks just kept coming…

And then…

Hmm. I don’t remember much after that but I hear we had fun. 😉

I know! What the heck?! I must be insane, mad as a hatter to party like that at my age but you know what? I do not regret it. Not even if an unknown photo surfaces. Not even with a hangover. And you know why?

It was a great way to end the summer but most importantly …

sniff, sniff. I wish I felt well enough to write 1000 words.

Because the bachelorette just happens to be my baby girl and I will never [never ever never] be too old nor will I grow too weary to make memories with that beautiful soul.

Tuesdays Tell-All (The Devil Did Not Make Me Do It)

Being devilish does not always come easy because I am by nature a peace loving individual. Seriously! I really am.

But avenging evil …

That sh*t is second nature.

I think the settling of scores is what made writing Savannah Dawn so much fun; that and the fact that Savannah Dawn is an odd ball who seems to have one foot grounded here on earth and the other in some unseen realm and I can relate to that. Either way I take full responsibility, the devil did not make me do it.

Here is a little snippet leading up to that dish best served cold. Have a read while I polish my horns.

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We saw Mama’s fella, Mr. Cartwright at the Piggly Wiggly the other day and I stared right at him. Under usual circumstances, we ain’t allowed to look at him much less speak but I looked him straight in the eyes. I nearly peed my pants when I saw they were the same gold-flecked eyeballs that made me have nightmares after Papa died.  I called him an adulterating son of Satan and Mama grabbed me by the nape of my neck. Before he could put his jaw back in place she made a quick apology and dragged me to the car, saying the same sixteen words over and over, “I cannot believe you Savannah Dawn! I have never been so embarrassed in all my life!” 

That wasn’t true. Mama had been plenty embarrassed before. Maybe if the whole town knew the truth about Grandma, how she laid out on the bathroom floor in a stinking mess… maybe my remark wouldn’t have been so humiliating.

Maybe if she knew what Mr. Cartwright had done she would be madder at him than she was at me – so I told her.

By the way Kelly Mack does a great job narrating and the audio version is available at iTunes, Amazon & Audible.

Guess What? (Friday’s Free-for-All)

Well the kittens I mentioned last month have all found new homes [and new names I suppose] so it is a little quieter around here. I like the quiet but I think I may have a touch of empty nest syndrome.

It’s not anything like the empty nest I experienced when the last child left home, it’s more like uh…

Shucks, I don’t know…

Like losing your blanket? Kind of…

Like adjusting to the new furniture arrangement? No…

Like a new haircut? No…

Like finding a $20 bill? No…

Well by the time I find the words I will be over the empty nest thing but speaking of the last child to leave home, guess what?

Sniffles and snorts.

Baby boy had a baby boy this month! Remember when I was trying to find him a wife?

Okay, he didn’t have the baby – his lovely wife did but he helped as much as a man can.

Listen, I have to tell y’all I was a little concerned about how much help he would be. Most of us know how raunchy it can get in the final stage of labor. A natural labor. In a birthing center. Yeah!

Well I am proud to say he did just fine and his wife? Daaang, what a trooper! And to look gorgeous through it all?  Just wow.

When I rehashed the story for the umpteenth time someone asked, “Were you in the delivery room?”

My are you serious look.

Oh yeah, I was all up in there. Honestly when they asked for privacy I knew they wanted me near them.

Chuckle to self.

When that same someone exclaimed their disbelief in my audacity I just sighed, shook my head and said, “I thought you new me.”

Now some of you will see where a bit of Mary’s character in The Clan Destiny Series  comes from.

Here’s a snippet from chapter 10:

“Ma’am you cannot come back here. Not yet.” A strange nurse spoke, stepping in front of the charging mother.

“Oh yes I can!” Mary replied as she darted around the woman and into the room where Linda laid clutching Steve’s hand.

“Hey Mama.” The laboring woman grunted, “They let you in? That is great. Whoa…. Here comes another one. ” Mary ran to her daughter’s side and took her hand.

“She has got a hellacious grip, doesn’t she?” Steve asked, noting Mary’s fingers had turned a deep indigo color under the squeeze.

“She sure does.” Mary answered, leaning down to kiss her child, “My baby girl is strong and little Turner will be strong like his mother.”

“I’m pretty strong too.” The father-to-be replied with a sheepish grin.

 “I’m sure you are.” Mary said without looking at him in a tone reserved for children, then with a mature pitch directed to Linda, “Where is your sister?”

“She went to see Larry – said she might knock off a quickie in the doc’s lounge while they were prepping me.”

“She was joking, right? I hope she was just kidding. I will go and -”

“Not now mother! For crying out loud… dear lord baby Jesus! This is really starting to get on my nerves.” Linda writhed in the bed, twisting and squeezing the hands she held for support. “Tell the nurse to check me again and tell `em I have changed my mind – I want that epidural and I want it right now!”

“You remember she said you were dilated too far for the epidural. We are going to get through this baby. Come on let’s do some breathing, follow my lead.” Steve coaxed, inhaling deeply and exhaling through pursed lips then panting with an odd hiss.

“Shut up!” Linda growled. Bearing down she pulled Steve’s hand to her mouth.

“No, no. Don’t bite me Linda… let me go.” He pleaded, attempting to pull his hand away until Mary’s free hand made stinging contact with his head.

“You let her bite you if she wants to! Don’t you dare pull that hand away or I swear to God I’ll bite you myself.”

HaPpY Friday y’All !!