Being devilish does not always come easy because I am by nature a peace loving individual. Seriously! I really am.
But avenging evil …
That sh*t is second nature.
I think the settling of scores is what made writing Savannah Dawn so much fun; that and the fact that Savannah Dawn is an odd ball who seems to have one foot grounded here on earth and the other in some unseen realm and I can relate to that. Either way I take full responsibility, the devil did not make me do it.
Here is a little snippet leading up to that dish best served cold. Have a read while I polish my horns.
We saw Mama’s fella, Mr. Cartwright at the Piggly Wiggly the other day and I stared right at him. Under usual circumstances, we ain’t allowed to look at him much less speak but I looked him straight in the eyes. I nearly peed my pants when I saw they were the same gold-flecked eyeballs that made me have nightmares after Papa died. I called him an adulterating son of Satan and Mama grabbed me by the nape of my neck. Before he could put his jaw back in place she made a quick apology and dragged me to the car, saying the same sixteen words over and over, “I cannot believe you Savannah Dawn! I have never been so embarrassed in all my life!”
That wasn’t true. Mama had been plenty embarrassed before. Maybe if the whole town knew the truth about Grandma, how she laid out on the bathroom floor in a stinking mess… maybe my remark wouldn’t have been so humiliating.
Maybe if she knew what Mr. Cartwright had done she would be madder at him than she was at me – so I told her.
Well the kittens I mentioned last month have all found new homes [and new names I suppose] so it is a little quieter around here. I like the quiet but I think I may have a touch of empty nest syndrome.
It’s not anything like the empty nest I experienced when the last child left home, it’s more like uh…
Shucks, I don’t know…
Like losing your blanket? Kind of…
Like adjusting to the new furniture arrangement? No…
Like a new haircut? No…
Like finding a $20 bill? No…
Well by the time I find the words I will be over the empty nest thing but speaking of the last child to leave home, guess what?
Sniffles and snorts.
Baby boy had a baby boy this month! Remember when I was trying to find him a wife?
Okay, he didn’t have the baby – his lovely wife did but he helped as much as a man can.
Listen, I have to tell y’all I was a little concerned about how much help he would be. Most of us know how raunchy it can get in the final stage of labor. A natural labor. In a birthing center. Yeah!
Well I am proud to say he did just fine and his wife? Daaang, what a trooper! And to look gorgeous through it all? Just wow.
When I rehashed the story for the umpteenth time someone asked, “Were you in the delivery room?”
My are you serious look.
Oh yeah, I was all up in there. Honestly when they asked for privacy I knew they wanted me near them.
Chuckle to self.
When that same someone exclaimed their disbelief in my audacity I just sighed, shook my head and said, “I thought you new me.”
Now some of you will see where a bit of Mary’s character in The Clan Destiny Series comes from.
Here’s a snippet from chapter 10:
“Ma’am you cannot come back here. Not yet.” A strange nurse spoke, stepping in front of the charging mother.
“Oh yes I can!” Mary replied as she darted around the woman and into the room where Linda laid clutching Steve’s hand.
“Hey Mama.” The laboring woman grunted, “They let you in? That is great. Whoa…. Here comes another one. ” Mary ran to her daughter’s side and took her hand.
“She has got a hellacious grip, doesn’t she?” Steve asked, noting Mary’s fingers had turned a deep indigo color under the squeeze.
“She sure does.” Mary answered, leaning down to kiss her child, “My baby girl is strong and little Turner will be strong like his mother.”
“I’m pretty strong too.” The father-to-be replied with a sheepish grin.
“I’m sure you are.” Mary said without looking at him in a tone reserved for children, then with a mature pitch directed to Linda, “Where is your sister?”
“She went to see Larry – said she might knock off a quickie in the doc’s lounge while they were prepping me.”
“She was joking, right? I hope she was just kidding. I will go and -”
“Not now mother! For crying out loud… dear lord baby Jesus! This is really starting to get on my nerves.” Linda writhed in the bed, twisting and squeezing the hands she held for support. “Tell the nurse to check me again and tell `em I have changed my mind – I want that epidural and I want it right now!”
“You remember she said you were dilated too far for the epidural. We are going to get through this baby. Come on let’s do some breathing, follow my lead.” Steve coaxed, inhaling deeply and exhaling through pursed lips then panting with an odd hiss.
“Shut up!” Linda growled. Bearing down she pulled Steve’s hand to her mouth.
“No, no. Don’t bite me Linda… let me go.” He pleaded, attempting to pull his hand away until Mary’s free hand made stinging contact with his head.
“You let her bite you if she wants to! Don’t you dare pull that hand away or I swear to God I’ll bite you myself.”
HaPpY Friday y’All !!
Here’s you a kitten, or at least a picture of one.
Lionel Lioness Ledbetter is waiting to be adopted and praying for a name change.
Lionel enjoys short walks to nowhere, warm milk, cuddles, imaginary play and story time. The Peach Orchard Ogre is is favorite book. 😉
HaPpY Friday y’all!
Remember lest we forget… Remember! Lest we take one sacrifice for granted. 🇺🇸
Poem by Janna Hill.
🙏 peace and comfort for all whose loved one(s) paid the ultimate price. For the some that gave all. ✝
You know why I’m mad on this lovely Monday night?
I’m not actually mad at tools (and I’m not talking about arse holes) — I am annoyed at myself.
Me, the one who preaches to work smarter, not harder and to use the tools available and– guess what?
I completely forgot I had a tiny little story enrolled in KDP select at Amazon.
What’s the big deal? Well [as writers will know] part of the allure and benefit of KDP select is the benefit of promoting — it is a valuable tool.
So, Sam & Sally Scarecrow have sat on the digital shelf (for nearly a year) gathering dust because I forgot they were there and I failed to use my tools. What a waste!
The moral of this madness is, “use your tools but don’t be a tool.”
Oh, and Amazon patrons can get a free copy of Sam & Sally Scarecrow on Friday, every Friday in October.
This indie stuff is hard. 😉
Cotton, peas, your friends, your seat, your nose… There are a lot of things you can pick. Family isn’t one of them. Disclaimer: Life is crazy, people are crazier and my family… well they get the crazy award if there is one. This is a work of ‘true fiction’ inspired by family. The names have been changed to protect the guilty and the photos are meant to confuse the innocent.
Here’s a Quarter – Call Someone Who Cares or Cats, Mice, Birds & Bulls*t (Crazy Conversations)
Lenny: I called you at least a dozen times Saturday! Why didn’t you answer?
Me: Did you leave a message?
Lenny: Hell no, I did not leave a message. Why don’t you answer your phone?
Me: Well because sometimes I am busy.
Lenny: You are not so busy that you can’t pick up the phone at some point. I mean – for Pete’s sake I called you twelve to fifteen times – all day long and you ignored me.
Me: Hmm. I usually do answer if I recognize the name or the number and (of course) if I am free to talk.
Lenny: Oh, so you were busy. Are you working on a new story?
Lenny: Then what are you so “busy” doing?
Me: I have a couple minor things in the works but mostly … Hmm… let me think … I guess most of my time is spent playing with the kittens – oh and watching the birds. Maddie, my female cat – mother to the kittens – killed a Bluebird and ate it. Lordy, lord! I know it is only natural but I have to admit it troubled me seeing it. That poor little bird flapping his beautiful blue wings so fiercely at first… then flap, flap … flap. He went limp and it was over. I almost cried. I prefer not to see it, ya know?! Did I tell you one of my tomcats, Jimmy, sweet little Jimmy Jam killed a Cardinal? Oh man, that was unsettling. I don’t know if I can ever see him as being sweet again. I don’t mind them killing mice but–
Lenny: So you are so busy with these kittens who [by the way] you know will grow up to kill the birds because that is what cats do – you are saying this full time obsession prevents you from answering your phone?
Me: No, that is not what I said. Didn’t you hear the part where I said if I recognize the number? I’m looking through my phone and apparently you are not even listed in my contacts; if you were stored in my contacts my phone would specifically say “Incoming call from Lenny” and then I would (probably) answer.
Me: Yes PROBABLY. Although I’m not sure now.
Lenny: Why? What do you mean?
Me: I’m not sure I want to talk to anyone who is so callous toward cats and birds.
Lenny: I am not callous – I’m just saying —
Me: Oh, shut up hater of God’s creations. Back to your query, I’m still looking… Why aren’t you in my contacts? I don’t have your number. Hmm… no voice mail … no messages…
Lenny: Oh my gosh! You are screening your calls, aren’t you? Why are you screening your calls?
Me: That’s my business and you haven’t answered my question. I save important numbers. Why don’t I have your phone number stored?
Lenny: Because I use a Call Private service.
Me: What is that?
Lenny: My phone is set to restrict my ID so it shows up as anonymous or private number.
Me: Why the hell would you do that?
Lenny: Because I’m not comfortable with everybody knowing my phone number – I like my privacy.
Me: Oh, I see. In other words you’re paranoid or up to no good. That is a sneaky tactic, you know I do not like sneaky!
Lenny: So you will answer the next time I call?
Me: Not if I don’t recognize the name or number; definitely not if it is anonymous or private.
Me: Because I like to know who I am going to be talking to Mr. Sneaky Snake; who I am freely giving my time to. Maybe you should drink root-beer.
Lenny: Well, don’t you at least want to know why I called?
Me: Oh dear Lenny, [mean spirited bubble buster] in honor of your anonymity and with all due respect for your privacy [despiser of soft furry things] the answer is no. Now if you don’t mind I have a thousand kitty videos to catch up on so here’s a quarter, call someone who cares.
I do not know the story behind this poor cardinal being “uncapped” but I know he is not [at all] happy about it.
He, however, makes the best of it; he is a proud bird and holds his head high, or at least what is left of it.
We lovingly refer to him as Knot-head, which is odd considering he is missing most of his topknot. Is that irony? I don’t know but it amuses us so…
I don’t think he minds our entertainment at his expense (because we keep him fed and adore him) but I feel certain he detests the gossiping, cruel remarks from the other birds — the well plumed and unscathed with their mean-tweets and chuckles. Yep, he is past being embarrassed — he’s pissed.
Knot-head is one angry bird and I suspect he is plotting revenge.
I must tell you I have petitioned him for the full rights to his story. The problem is he may have limited comprehension and communication skills due to his head injury. Time will tell…