healing

Mad Monday (Buzz, Bugs & Marigolds)

/ Janna Hill / 4 Comments

A world inside a world inside a world…

Creation is mind boggling. Just when you think you have it all figured out you realize you don’t know jack-squat.

This fact just re-occurred to me.

I take pictures to clear my mind and maybe I was pouting a little because an author friend told me I missed a great opportunity to create a buzz with the books released this summer. Yeah. The 2017 Summer Release.

It was an accurate observation but as I said before, “The only buzz I am motivated to create comes in the aftermath of consuming liquor.”

I was just being silly, the truth is I don’t drink much but maybe I should – I would be much more obnoxious  outgoing.

Tick-tock, tick-tock… Tsk, tsk, tsk. 

There I was, hanging my head, dragging my camera along like a blanket as I clomped outside and boom!

“My goodness, look at the Marigolds!”

I forgot about creating anything and became enchanted by the creation around me.

Just FYI: lying on the ground with a camera can be very relaxing and entertaining and educational and thought provoking… and itchy.

These photographs are just a few of the larger insects. I tell you it is like another world inside that flowerbed! I plan to go back out there and lay down again… as soon as these ant bites clear up.

Oh yeah, and here is “the buzz”: Cloud Wrangler, The Sharecropper’s Son and Greed are available at your favorite e-book store.

I wear your shoes

/ Janna Hill / 6 Comments

We had pulled over and began hiking a random hill in Eureka Springs Arkansas. I thought we were going for a leisurely drive so I was not dressed for such an occasion; nonetheless I followed the others up the hill. I slipped and giggled, the sound caught my son’s attention.  His eyes scanned me quickly. Seeing I was unharmed he shook his head and smiled.

“Are you wearing Mamaw’s shoes?” he asked. I nodded and laughed, brushing away the dirt and leaves before wriggling my foot back into the loafer.

“You should write about that.” He said, resuming his sure footed trek.

He did not need to say more, we both understood.

Mama's Shoes (800x484).jpg

I wear your shoes

I have your purse …

Filled with scraps of paper –

Scribblings of ancient phone numbers,

and a message from me, the old me.

I have your wallet –

Your social security card,

a useless driver’s license,

a few crinkled one dollar bills

and a handful of change.

I have your letters –

A few anyway,

Written to daddy

Unstamped envelopes with no address

Because there is no zip code

for the dead.

I wear your shoes –

Black loafers with a silver buckle

They fit my feet comfortably

But they pinch my heart

The sole, too thick with patience

and forgiveness and tolerance

Slows my step and weighs me down

The pain of the soft ebony leather

is almost more than I can bear

I place one foot in front of the other

and wonder…

Will this mile ever end?

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Taken from the poetic memoir Getting Me back (The Voices Within). Those are the actual shoes written about in the photo above.

Tomorrow morning, Sunday May 14th, I will share a [more upbeat] Mother’s Day gift with my followers (please share it with yours), in the afternoon I will  happily celebrate the day with my children (I hope you spend the day with yours), Sunday night I will cry myself to sleep knowing that next Sunday May 21st marks the fourth year of her passing. Mama & Cameron.1.jpg

Monday I will blow my nose, find something to laugh about and get busy living because that is how it should be.

Bat-Shit Crazy & Indie Update

/ Janna Hill / 8 Comments

Can you believe it has been 4 years since I posted The First Year as an Indie (Lessons Learned)?

So much has changed… yet stayed the same.

I have created new works and destroyed old ones.

I have watched literary markets as well as loved ones come and go.

I pretty much left the ‘pertinent’ social media scenes. Why? For a few reasons, just pick one or make one up – that’s always fun.

New authors have asked, “Did decreasing media presence hurt book sales?”

My answer: “Laws yes! But you know what? I still do not give a flying rat’s fanny.”

I am sorry if that’s not the ‘right’ answer but it is my answer… my truth.  That is the beauty of being an independent author.

Another truth is I was in “an unhealthy state of dealing with stress” – that is a sophisticated way of saying I was “bat-shit crazy in the midst of a nervous breakdown.”

Social media [as well as life] was becoming a struggle to keep up with; it was also getting in the way of Getting Me Back.

Getting Me Back (The Voices Within) is scheduled to release March 31st, it is available for pre-order now. Go ahead and order it so you will have it in time for NPM (National Poetry Month)

If you have never had a nervous breakdown, I would not recommend embarking on that journey.

If you want a peek at what my journey was/is like, I’d recommend reading Getting Me Back.

If you are currently bat-shit crazy in the midst of a nervous breakdown definitely get some help and read Getting Me Back. Hey, we can journey together.

 

P.S. Happy Saint Patrick’s Day

saint patricks day card (1024x727)

A Poem & A Picture (Getting Me Back)

/ Janna Hill / Leave a comment

Getting Me Back

by Janna Hill

Web of Time

Tissue thin transparent bits and pieces by the millions I gave to you…

To be received, to be tended or to be rendered useless,

as you deemed fit old inhabitants of terra firma.

Slivers of my soul….

 

What did you do with these pieces of me?

Where are the misplaced microscopic stars of my spirit, where are they laid?

Did they dissolve beneath a soft autumn rain? Or burn in the heat of a cruel summer day?

Were they consumed by the dust mites of fate?

Giving me away was easy…

getting me back seems nearly impossible.

 

I saw a fleck of glitter this morning, caught in an abandoned web of time.

I retrieved it ever so carefully, pulling away the tiny choking strands;

polishing it in the palm of my hand till it shone bright like a minuscule star…

exploding…

and I recognized it as the twinkle I once saw in a smiling photo of me.