Pilgrimage

Natasha Trethewey @ Library of Congress 2013

Photo Source: Wikipedia Commons

 What I love about this poem is how easily it flows. You don’t have to be a Mississippian, a historian, a scholar or even a poetry fan to appreciate the smooth and simple beauty of Pilgrimage.

Sometimes we get so busy with the day to day ritual that we forget to read and that is a shame. It is also another reason to appreciate National Poetry Month. It serves as a reminder (at least for me) to seek out new poetry, to step away from the keyboard and open a book or a webpage or an audio device and go along for the ride if only for a few moments. This was certainly a ride worth taking.

Pilgrimage

by Natasha Trethewey

Here, the Mississippi carved

            its mud-dark path, a graveyard

for skeletons of sunken riverboats.

            Here, the river changed its course,

turning away from the city

            as one turns, forgetting, from the past—

the abandoned bluffs, land sloping up

            above the river’s bend—where now

the Yazoo fills the Mississippi’s empty bed.

            Here, the dead stand up in stone, white

marble, on Confederate Avenue. I stand

            on ground once hollowed by a web of caves;

they must have seemed like catacombs,

            in 1863, to the woman sitting in her parlor,

candlelit, underground. I can see her

            listening to shells explode, writing herself

into history, asking what is to become

            of all the living things in this place?

This whole city is a grave. Every spring—

            Pilgrimage—the living come to mingle

with the dead, brush against their cold shoulders

            in the long hallways, listen all night

to their silence and indifference, relive

            their dying on the green battlefield.

At the museum, we marvel at their clothes—

            preserved under glass—so much smaller

than our own, as if those who wore them

            were only children. We sleep in their beds,

the old mansions hunkered on the bluffs, draped

            in flowers—funereal—a blur

of petals against the river’s gray.

            The brochure in my room calls this

living history. The brass plate on the door reads

            Prissy’s Room. A window frames

the river’s crawl toward the Gulf. In my dream,

            the ghost of history lies down beside me,

rolls over, pins me beneath a heavy arm.

In the Aftermath of Plath

Just in case I missed telling one person in the far reaches of Idonwannaherit (which is my husband’s country of origin) April is National Poetry month.

And guess what?! I was informed this morning that I have been nominated for the Pulitzer Prize Award. I’m thinking OMG! Am I so special they called me early? Turns out it was an April Fool’s joke. Damn you cruel jokester and may the winning of Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes forever be just out of your reach.

With the fool’s business out of the way I’d like to talk about Plath.

Not because of her life’s work. In all honesty it is/was her chronic obsession with death that compels me.

In reading Lady Lazarus with or without knowing Plath’s history I could have imagined a poet scribbling thoughts that were just that- thoughts.

But the [reportedly] last two pieces she wrote and the two small children she left behind. I became strangely fanatical.

photo by Rollie McKenna photo by Rollie McKenna

I tried hard not to judge her as a person and to focus only on the writing but I fell short. History, rumor and suspicion clouded my judgment.

When I read Nick and the Candlestick I imagined premeditated recklessness beyond her own ending.

In Balloons all I could see was her surveying her child at play – a child she would [knowingly?] soon leave motherless.

And in Edge… it would have been eerily sufficient without knowing Sylvia Plath Hughes had made for herself a gas chamber.

In doing so she had eliminated the need for an executioner so I became her judge, juror and examiner.

It wasn’t enough for me to obsess over the tragedy I insisted my husband partake of the mind numbing fixation.

His first response was, “You know I don’t read poetry. I don’t read anything that doesn’t have live game, a stock symbol or a machining program written on it.”

To that I handed him a beer and smiled, “Okay. I’ll read it to you and you tell me what you think.”

He agreed, though once I finished reading Edge aloud he held out his hand and ordered me to give it to him.

I graciously obliged.

Here it is in its entirety. Our discussion will follow.

Edge by Sylvia Plath 1963

The woman is perfected.
Her dead

Body wears the smile of accomplishment,

The illusion of a Greek necessity

Flows in the scrolls of her toga,
Her bare

Feet seem to be saying:
We have come so far, it is over.

Each dead child coiled, a white serpent,
One at each little

Pitcher of milk, now empty.
She has folded

Them back into her body as petals
Of a rose close when the garden

Stiffens and odors bleed
From the sweet, deep throats of the night flower.

The moon has nothing to be sad about,
Staring from her hood of bone.

She is used to this sort of thing.
Her blacks crackle and drag.

When he finally looked up I asked, “So what do you think?”

He took a long drink and shrugged, “She obviously wanted to be dead and she’s happy about it.”

“Yes, yes. Go on.” I urged, “What about the scrolls of her toga?”

“Sounds like the Clinton – Lewinsky thing. You know with the stained dress.”


I laughed and he continued. “Here where she says ‘it is over’ means just that – she’s finished.”

“What about the lines ‘each dead child coiled, a white serpent, one at each little pitcher of milk, now empty’ what do you think about that?”

“The Exodus? It sounds like the first Passover and the last plague in Egypt to me.” He looked back at the page in front of him and read,

“She has folded them back into her body as petals of a rose close when the garden stiffens and odors bleed from the sweet, deep throats of the night flower.”

He shook his head and returned the poem, “Did she plan to kill the kids and take them with her? I guess it doesn’t matter- It was fifty years ago, she was mentally ill and she’s glad she’s dead.”

“What about ‘the moon has nothing to be sad about, staring from her hood of bone. She is used to this sort of thing. Her blacks crackle and drag’ – what are your thoughts on that?” I asked, watching as he became more uncomfortable.

“It sounds like craziness. She was obviously mentally ill. Did you say she stuck her head in an oven?”

I nodded.

“Was it butane or natural gas?”

“I have no idea. Why would that matter?”

“Well one falls and the other rises – natural gas rises. Did she live in town or in the country? If she lived in town it was probably natural gas.”

“She lived in London, a town residence once occupied by Yeats.”

“Hell, it might have been coal fuel.” He paused as if it took added effort to ask the next question. “Did she kill her kids too?”

“No.” I answered.

His face relaxed a bit until I added, “The youngest, a boy named Nicholas hung himself in 2009. The daughter who was less than three years old when it happened went on to become a painter and poet.”

“Dammit! How’s the girl doing?”

“I don’t personally know her but she was still alive the last I heard.”

“Poor thing. Damaged people leave a lot of garbage in their wake. Hopefully she’s not too messed up.”

With that he bent and twisted the empty can indicating the discussion was over.

I mumbled a thank you, delighted I had snagged him into reading a poem yet a little ashamed that I had disturbed him with the past of Sylvia Plath.

Next week maybe I will entice him with a new poet, a living poet.

I’ll choose something lighter, funnier and maybe drag out the frayed old book Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein. The kids and I always enjoyed that one.

I will probably [silently] take a closer look at the works of Ted and Frieda Hughes, dissecting their psyches and torturing myself in the aftermath of Sylvia Plath.

The Bluebird’s are Here

A couple of weeks ago I posted a photo (Marching Into Spring) of  a Bluebird’s nest. I’m excited to report that they have hatched and their appetites are intact. hungry bird (1280x1109)Aren’t they a wriggling lump of ugly? Yes they are but that will change soon. I may try for a better shot when the father is not flogging the back of my head.

The Anole and I

Native Texans

I learned something new today. What I have always called a Chameleon is actually an Anole. Ah-know-lee, it sounds very French, doesn’t it? [Well kick me runnin’ I happen to know a little French]

The Anole

Tending the herb box

 

Fact: They change colors like the Chameleon but are more closely related to the Iguana. Très el strange`o as hell I know. I also know they consume pesky little insects but I did not know that Anoles eat snails! That definitely sounds French.

The Anole and I have a lot in common. Okay maybe just a couple of things because I’m not eating a damn snail- not willingly anyway. Well maybe if it were fried and crispy… or pureed and stirred into a fruit smoothie. Oops I just puked a little. Sorry. I’m sure the French word for puke would probably sound less vulgar. Heck if they can get people to devour something so slimy and creepy by calling it escargot surely they have an elegant word for puke.

Around here we’ll leave the eating of invertebrates to the Anole. The truth is the only thing we have in common is that we are both native Texans scrounging in the same box of dirt.

Crazy Conversations (Genres)

Cotton, peas, your friends, your seat, your nose… There are a lot of things you can pick. Family isn’t one of them. Disclaimer: Life is crazy, people are crazier and my family… well they get the crazy award if there is one. This is a work of ‘true fiction’ inspired by family. The names have been changed to protect the guilty. CAUTION: They cuss.

I have had genre issues concerning one title in particular so a couple of weeks ago I (finally) asked my eldest sister for an opinion. Be careful what you ask for. And the category Is…

Sister: Hey, I just called to thank you for the book.

Me: Oh you’re quite welcome. So do you have an opinion on the genre?

Sister: Well I have to tell you it started off a little staggery. You know what I mean?

Me: As in slow and unsteady, I agree.  So what genre did you decide?

Sister: Clara seemed sort of dull at the beginning. I wasn’t sure what to make of her, you know?  She’s rather meek and reserved.

Me: True. But what category-

Sister: Thank goodness she shines further into the story. You need to show that in the first few pages. You might omit chapter one all together or incorporate one and two. I see what you were doing there and I’m all about character development but step it up a little.

Me: The book is already out. My current problem is the specific genre. What do you-

Sister: Well no need crying over spilled milk, right? Maggie is likable. I like Maggie, she’s spunky. No wonder Linda has issues. With a name like Mucalinda and a mother who runs a voodoo shop in New Orleans. Geez!

Me: Thanks. Other than fiction would you consider it –

Sister: I hated that Lafont character! Hate is a strong word I know but I absolutely hate him. He didn’t suffer near enough in my opinion but Levi isn’t the type to torture people. He just done what needed to be done. Taking care of business, I loved that about him. So is he really a-

Me: Speaking of business I need your opinion on the genre. Remember I asked for-

Sister: Oh it’s definitely romance. It almost verges on soft porn at times if you ask me. Your brother in law couldn’t believe you wrote that. He had a time with it. Were your ears burning?

Me: You let him read it?!The Rage Trilogy Cover for B&N

Sister: Sure. He agrees with me – it’s romance.

Me: No, I don’t think so.

Sister: Yes it is! I am a seasoned noveller, you asked for my opinion now don’t argue. With the relationships and intimacy throughout you have to know it’s a romance.

Me: I really didn’t think it was. I categorized it under paranormal fiction.

Sister: Maybe as a subcategory.  Now back to Levi, is he or is he not a-

Me: I’m not sure I should classify it as romance. One reader said-

Sister: I don’t give a damn what one reader said or one hundred for that matter. Do you know how many books I read a week? Sure you do that’s why you asked for my opinion. It’s a freaking romance.

Me: Okay. Don’t get your panties in a wad. So you want to know more about Levi but what about Vivian?

Sister: Vivian Cature? That wench has no redeeming qualities. I despise her.

Me: But she came from a troubled background. Aren’t you the least bit empathetic?

Sister: So what. That is an excuse! Everyone has junk in their past. No, she was looking out for number one and the way she treated her own daughter- not just the way she treated her friend but her own daughter! I don’t forgive her and I have no sympathy for her. Nope, I cannot abide such. She is a sociopath. She and that worthless man-whore deserved one another.

Me: You know they aren’t real people, right?

Sister: Well of course I know that but girl I cried twice. Oh, when Mr. O’Bromley was in the emergency room I had to get a tissue and blow my nose that just tore me up. — What are you laughing about?

Me: Nothing.

Sister: You wanted my opinion. You should be flattered that I liked it.

Me: I am. I totally am. But I really just needed help with the genre thing.

Sister: It is a blasted romance. Let’s not go over that again. Now tell me will Levi be showing up in the next book?

Me: I don’t think so.

Sister: He could. There is ample leeway for another story, maybe bring him in to the lead, I would like to see that and why on earth did you kill off-

Me: You’re positive on the genre?

Sister: Damn it girl do I have to spell it for you? Would you rather ask mother?

Me: No! Romance it is. Thank you.

Sister: Anytime. Can you at least try to expound on the Duffy character.  What exactly is he? And I don’t see why you couldn’t do more with Levi.

Me: I’ll work on it.

Sister: Do that and by the way you’re not getting the book back,

Me: That’s fine, consider it a gift.

Sister:  I did.

The First Year as an Indie (Lessons Learned)

Part I

Can you believe I have a solid year behind me in this adventure as an independent author/publisher? My how time flies when you’re having fun.

So what have I learned other than how to type while holding fried chicken in one hand and a biscuit in the other? A lot!

Do I have any advice for beginners? Oh yes indeed I do and my first pearl of wisdom is this: cut the biscuit in half, strip the chicken and make a sandwich. It will be much easier to handle. I would also suggest turning the keyboard over and gently shaking the crumbs loose verses picking between the keys. That tip will save you time and keep your proofreader from returning your manuscript un-proofed with a note that says Get back to me when you’re sober!

I don’t have any real pearls but if you’re interested I’ll be happy to share a handful of pebbles and opinions.

#1 Support: Get some! No man is an island. Editing, proofreading and polishing don’t necessarily mean stripping away your authenticity. Surround yourself with people you can trust, people who are willing to encourage you, offer constructive criticism and be brutally honest when necessary. If your book is your baby prepare it to face the world and get that baby some child support. Lesson: Keep it real even in fiction. Find people you can trust (paid or voluntary) and listen to them.

#2 Reviews: Good reviews are fabulous but they don’t guarantee massive sales. On the other hand bad reviews definitely hurt sales. Responding to bad reviews and personal insults is a no-no. Lighten up, insults can be funny. Learn from the constructive ones and laugh at the assholish ones. Yes, I just made assholish a real word. Not everyone likes spaghetti so what makes you think everyone will like what you dish out? Lesson: There will be haters. Get used to it.

#3 Social Media: I firmly believe in building an online presence and interacting. I said in- ter-act-ing. That means relating to people,not only networking and connecting but talking and occasionally having a conversation. I tend to avoid a couple of the most popular media sites for that very reason. How do you respond to “Buy my book! My book’s on sale!” You say something like “I see you’re from Manhattan. How is the weather there?” And they respond with “Here’s a link to Amazon. Be sure to leave a review.” Lesson: In-ter-act.

I like blogging. I’m not sure how many book sales it has garnered (if any) but I enjoy it. It’s like bloggers are… wow, I don’t know… like they are real human beings or something. Lesson: Blog away. Blogging has zero calories and you meet great people from all over the world. It’s an inexpensive means of travel and sometimes you find the inspiration needed for your next story.

While we are on the topic of blogging allow me to weave in an experience related to marketing. I recently consulted with a couple of PR firms who shall remain nameless. One suggested I buy their book (argh). Um, no. I am looking for someone to create “the buzz” for me — just do it okay?! The only buzz I am motivated to create comes in the aftermath of consuming liquor.

The second person (much more helpful) looked at my social media sites and informed me I was not promoting myself enough. The conversation went like this:

“You’re just there” she explained while politely pointing out I was not utilizing said media properly.

“I’m sorry but one more ‘buy my book-my book’s on sale’ and I may rip the arm off of this chair. I can’t do it that’s why I contacted you special magic guru lady.”

“It’s not that easy anymore. What about your blogger account?” She was scanning search results as we spoke, “Do you have one?”

“Well sure. I posted something about 2013 releases but I’m more comfortable at WordPress.”

“Let me see what you are doing on WordPress…  It seems your focus is on photography and just hanging out?”

“Yeah, it’s like a bar/library/art gallery, cool huh? Except they don’t serve drinks. It’s  BYOB.”

“That’s fine but you need to squeeze in a pitch directing readers to buy your books.”

“I have a website listing most published works. Just google Janna Hill and you’ll find me.”

“That’s not enough. You’re going to have to get more involved in promoting yourself. You have to get out of your comfort zone.”

“Oops my macaroni is burning. I’ll have to get back to you.”

Lesson: Even for a fee no one will do it all for you. I need to “get out of my comfort zone.”  Hell no Maybe I will but if I ever respond to a greeting with “Buy my book. Leave me a review” somebody shoot me please.

*BYOB: bring your own bottle could now mean bring your own book.

Insight (Sight & Seeing Red)

This post should have been the Indie update I’ve been planning, giving you all of the gory details about what I’ve learned on this Indie adventure (now having a full year of experience under my belt) but…

I was seriously composing the post meant to share my progress when I diverted my eyes. Did you know you aren’t supposed to stare at the computer screen for more than twenty minutes without looking twenty feet away for at least twenty seconds? It’s called the 20/20/20 rule.

Being the rule devotee that I am [go ahead and laugh if you know me] I looked away and spotted a lovely red Dianthus. WeddingOf course I had to grab the camera and take a walk…

 

 

 

WeddingI spied a red aphid on a yellow Iris. The eye tends to be drawn to these two colors. You didn’t think McDonald’s success came from their fresh delectable burgers did you? Oh, okay.

 

 

I suppose the Red Wasp, Nandina berries and Red Tip Photinia are all shades of red but they look kind of orange to me. That may be from staring at the monitor for too long. See what happens when you don’t follow the rules?

I ended my journey with a collection of red shells. Red ShellsI didn’t find these on a beach but they were near a body of water. Hmm, now I’m wondering if there might be a body in the water? Or a story in the making…

Seeing Red has nothing to do with the upcoming post regarding my first year as an independent author/publisher, I just thought I’d share this little excursion. On the contrary I’m in the black and all lights are green. It’s a go for another trek. I really will post something in the near future that offers more personal insight until then take care of your eyes.

P.S. I once had a patient with Macular Degeneration who told me she saw the most unbelievable shades of red and that she painted more beautifully than ever just before she went blind.

Marching Into Spring

If the old folks in East Texas are right we will have another cold snap so don’t plant your tomatoes yet. I’m not in any hurry, after all we are just getting to the Ides of March and the Spring Equinox is still a week away. What does all of that mean? I could write about it but I’m afraid it would bore you straight to death and I don’t want to be listed on your death certificate as the official cause so how about I show you some pictures instead? Okay! Moving right along…

Of Poetry (Resident of Insanity)

Of Poetry

Be it good, bad or indifferent I suppose I will always be a poet at heart.

One might think “real” writing (you know things like novels, short stories and blogs) would dissuade poetic tendencies but it doesn’t… and it shouldn’t.

Someone once said of poetry, “I honestly don’t know why it flies through my head but it’s like an energy that must be loosed and the only way I know to let it go is to jot it down.” Okay that someone was me but we’ve already established that authors and poets are insane a peculiar lot. At least that’s what I keep hearing from the voices living outside of my head.

Admittedly I tend to write disturbing prose. Why? I have no freaking idea other than the above explanation and this one just flew in.

Resident of Insanity

 

He gnashed and smashed his teeth to bits

Hissing shards of peppermint

On face and lace chipped molars lit

While gums and tongue did chide

~

The air like mud was thick with scent

Red with dread and white with grit

Dentin mixed with blood and spit

Where insanity did reside

~

He snatched and scratched at lights not lit

Held cries in eyes seen through slits

Pleading, “Someone give a shit

And plump this crumpled pride”

~

But none could hear his broken mouth

Or see the lights had all gone out

With hand on heart he faced the south

And they say that’s where he died

 

*Here’s this year’s first reminder that April is National Poetry Month so you have plenty of time to be thinking about it. Whether you read my poetry or that of someone else plan on expanding your horizons.

P.S. My works are not always of such unsettling nature. They’re worse when I’m happy 😉

Weekly Photo Challenge: Lost in the Details

I have been busy – I mean crazy busy! Or maybe I’m feeling lazy and every little thing feels like a huge undertaking?  No, I’m going with the crazy busy but that doesn’t relieve me from commitments. I made a commitment (if only to myself and my mother) to participate in the weekly photo challenge and by golly the show must go on! Besides, these challenges give me a reason to take a break from the mundane and enjoy what others have to offer. As I a writer I’m prone to get so involved in writing and research and blah blah blah that I forget life’s fundamentals. Not just the bathing and eating, I forget to do that all the time. Sometimes I literally forget to breathe… to get up and take a walk… to look outside the scenes inside my head. That’s when Honey (aka my husband) steps in and performs CPR.

My chaos is no more trying than the next persons and probably less than many. The world is spinning faster for everyone and we hamsters must pick up the pace. We must also admit when it’s just a tad too much and relinquish the wheel or the camera in this case.

So, without further ado I present Honey’s take on this week’s photo challenge: Lost in the Details.

Finding Myself lost in the details.

Finding Myself lost in the details.