You know when I am not writing I enjoy gardening and photography so how great was it to find this? An adorable kitten and deformed produce! Yeah I am easily amused.
Curious Kitty & the Nosy Tomato
Humor
Welcome Summer Solstice Aren’t You ‘Glad’ It’s Wednesday
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Is this what you meant…
A Poem & A Picture (A Limerick to Lighten Your Mood)
I don’t know about you guys, but I was in dire need of some humor to get me through NPM. I scrolled & scrolled through my inbox and found nothing to make me grin. 😦 But then I remembered a fella named Regis…
Molly
Poem & Picture provided by Regis Auffray
I once met a lass named Molly,
Who made me vulnerable to folly;
I fell for her charms,
Took her in my arms,
Molly was a sweet Irish collie.
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The Agony of Da Feet
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Life on the Farm (With Boudro the Fearless Boar)
While I was away, the husband renamed our dog. Buddy now wags his tail to Boudro.
The truth is, Buddy, ummm — I mean Boudro wags his tail to nearly everything. He is such a social creature. 
This morning I introduced him to my new pets.
Shhh, I know they may grow up to be BLT’s but let me have my moment, okay? Thank you.
As I was saying, I introduced Boudro to Charlotte, Wilbur, Charles and Wilbur II. Now this crazy Chihuahua (who originally told me his name was Patrick) insists on being addressed as Boudro the Fearless Boar. 
Really?
Well… in this day and age, why not?!
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The People of Puerto Vallarta
A couple of weeks ago (see Crazy Conversations) I mentioned going to Mexico with my daughter. I failed to mention my daughter’s friend was accompanying us, but I am so glad she did. She is a cute little thing and full of surprises. You should have seen the baggage handler’s face when she jumped out of the suitcase.
Priceless!
Sadly, she had to pay for the return flight.
Unrestricted buffet, endless alcoholic beverages and cup after cup [after cup] of elot’e made it impossible for her to fit back into the luggage. I am not even going to mention the ice-cream! I suppose all of those extra pounds calories put her over the edge.
That’s the only rationale I have to explain her picking a fight with a mild-mannered radio host at KISS FM, Big Al. It was a terrible sight! Her screaming and punching and cursing at him– she called him everything but Al!
All of that drama just because he sat down beside her. 
She is usually so sweet and passive.
As I said, she is full of surprises.
I could only watch in shock.
Thank goodness, the airline had not seated us together.
I glanced across the aisle at my daughter with one of those inquisitive mother looks. You mom’s know what I mean.
She responded by denying that she knew the poor girl and told the stranger sitting beside her, “she should be locked away.” When the polite stranger agreed, she went on to say,
“I had to have my mother put away.”
Of course, that piqued the stranger’s curiosity and she went on to ask why.
“She just lost her mind. Waking up at all hours of the night, clinking cups and banging doors, talking to herself… making up stories and laughing for no apparent reason… I couldn’t get a moments rest.”
Hmm. See why I love this kid?!
Almost as much as I love the people of Puerto Vallarta.
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Crazy Conversations (Another Vacation)
Life is crazy, people are crazier and my family… well they get the crazy award if there is one.
Me: Something has come up and I have to go to Mexico.
Husband: What happened? Who do we know in Mexico?
Me: Our youngest daughter.
Husband: She is not in Mexico.
Me: But she will be.
Husband: Why is she going to Mexico?
Me: She has a week off and she needs to stamp her passport.
Husband: Well that makes all kinds of sense. Why didn’t you just say you are going on another vacation?
Me: I didn’t want to sound too frivolous.
Husband: You just got back from vacation, how’s that for frivolous.
Me: That was a road trip, it didn’t require a passport.
Husband: My lord old woman! How much is this going to set me back?
Me: A grand or two. Depends on whether you want a souvenir or not.
Husband: How much is a souvenir?
Me: I don’t know. That’s another reason I have got to get there – to find out.
Husband: Hmm. What part of Mexico are we talking about?
Me: Puerto Vallarta.
Husband: Why not Cozumel or Cabo?
Me: They are too Americanized.
Husband: And Puerto Vallarta isn’t?
Me: Not as much, I hear. If you insist, I could go to Cabo and Cozumel but I would need more time and money.
Husband: If you’re going to stay on the Pacific, I like Huatulco. I bet it has changed a lot since we took the kids – that was what, twenty years ago?
Me: Twenty-one I believe.
Husband: The Cancun beaches were nice… wasn’t there a hotel at Chitchen Itza? She hasn’t seen the Mayan ruins there, has she? I wonder how far they’ve come with the reconstruction.
Me: Goodness man! If you want me to go to Cancun, Chitchen Itza, Huatulco, Cabo, Cozumel and Puerto Vallarta I will be gone for a month or more – Her vacation is only one week. I would have to go alone and I would miss you terribly, wouldn’t you miss me?
Husband: Of course I would. Yeah, you should come on home when baby girl’s vacation is over. I guess you’ll need a manicure, a pedicure, new clothes and a hair coloring?
Me: Nope. I’m going au’ naturel and wearing my every-day clothes.
Hus
band: You’re not going to cover up all that gray hair? What about those garden toes—you know the last pedicure you got they made fun of your beat up old feet.
Me: Oh, shut up and mix your drink.
Husband: Ahh, that was funny, “you have a garden, yes?” I can’t believe you plopped those mud stained number nines in front of that poor fella. With all of your calluses and cracks — no wonder it took him an hour. You couldn’t pay me to do his job. Who are you calling? Are you calling the beauty shop?
Me: No, I am calling my travel agent.
Husband: Oh, come on. I was just picking at you. Are you going to cancel your trip?
Me: Au contraire monsieur, I am going to extend my itinerary to include all of the places you suggested.
Husband: Salt water and sand do work miracles. You better keep those feet in the water as much as you can. 
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Crazy Conversations (Boogers Are Wet)
Boogers Are Wet (Or They Should Be)
Cotton, peas, your friends, your seat, your nose… There are a lot of things you can pick. Family isn’t one of them.
Disclaimer: Life is crazy, people are crazier and my family… well they get the crazy award if there is one.
My baby sister was kind enough to accompany me while I had a series of tests done. She mostly sat in the lobby and played games on the iPad, but between tests, we had a chance to chat. It certainly made the ordeal much more entertaining. This is how I repay her.
Sister: Why did you tell the nurse your baby sister would be driving you home?
Me: Because she asked me. If I can’t drive, you are supposed to. I thought you knew that.
Sister: I know that dummy – I mean the baby sister part. I am fifty years old.
Me: I don’t care how old you are, you will always be the baby. It’s not like she thought you were a toddler.
Sister: Just don’t start thinking you can boss me. You’re not the boss of me.
Me: Lord, ain’t that the truth. If I could make you do anything, you would be having a few of these tests right along with me.
Sister: Don’t lecture me either. I know my body and I know how to take care of it. I may not take good care of it but I know that too.
Me: I won’t lecture you. Harping on people never helps — especially rebellious people. You do take an aspirin every day, right?
Sister: Yes. Some days I take three or four — or five. Usually four. They’re just baby aspirins.
Me: Why do you take four baby aspirin?
Sister: Because sometimes one is not enough.
Me: But the doctor told you to take one a day — just to thin your blood, right?
Sister: Right! But when you cut yourself and the blood clots a soon as it comes to the surface – it’s too thick. Blood is supposed to drip, that’s just common sense. People should pay attention to that and know their body. I’m not going to pay a doctor $200 to tell me my blood is too thick.
Me: Why not just take one adult aspirin – the milligrams would be the same.
Sister: No, it would not be the same Miss Nursey-Nurse. Four baby aspirins equal 324 milligrams, one adult aspirin is 325.
Me: So you’re worried that you might overdose?
Sister: No. I just like the taste of the baby aspirin.
Me: You are one stubborn woman.
Sister: You know I will cut my nose off to spite my face, so will you.
Me: Speaking of noses, look at that lady across from you.
Sister: Oh my gosh! Did you see that dry flaky thing she just sent flying?
Me: Yeah! What was that?
Sister: It looked like a UFO.
Me: Shhh!
Sister: See what I mean, I bet that woman doesn’t know her own body. She’s probably here to have a dozen tests done when the problem is she’s just dehydrated. It’ll cost her $1500 to find out she needs to drink more water.
Me: So you’re diagnosing now? You don’t know her.
Sister: No, but I know boogers. You saw that rice cake she flung across the room! Boogers are wet, or they should be.
Me: It’s hard to argue with logic.
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Crazy Conversations (Lucky)
Life is crazy, people are crazier and my family… well they get the crazy award if there is one.
Husband: What are you doing?
Me: Looking for old pictures to post online.
Husband: What’s the matter – you ran out of new ones?
Me: No, it’s Throw Back Thursday.
Husband: So that’s what TBT is. Have you seen my wallet?
Me: Look at this one. Do you remember the anniversary we spent in Las Vegas? We weren’t very lucky were we?
Husband: I don’t know about you but I got lucky quite a few times. The more you drank the luckier I got.
Me: But we didn’t win any money.
Husband: Isn’t that you standing beside a winning machine? Where did I put that billfold?!
Me: I plainly recall losing money. Maybe I just posed for the picture because you know I have never been lucky.
Husband: Well at least you’ve got lucky legs.
Me: I’m grateful that I can walk but… did you say lucky legs?
Husband: Yeah, you’re lucky they don’t break off and stab you in the butt.
Me: You should brace your abdomen when you laugh that hard so you don’t bust a gut.
Husband: Whew. You know I love you skinny legs and all.
Me: I know sweetie. By the way here’s your wallet.
Husband: Damn all of my cash is gone!
Me: Well then you’ve got yourself one lucky wallet there.
Husband: How do you figure that?
Me: You’re lucky I didn’t take your credit card too.
The Real Janna Hill in 