Author: Janna Hill

Weekly Photo Challenge: Home

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The Home Inside My Home

The home depicted here is only one of many inside the house where I dwell. After all I do did have a sign that says Mi casa es su casa.

The lamp (filled with moth carcasses and webs) might be witness to my housekeeping but I prefer to see it as testament to my many philosophies. Live and let live. Live and let the spider have the lamp. Live and let the over abundant population of moths sacrifice themselves. Live and hope the spider never comes out of the lamp…

There is no place like home.
Two bedroom web for rent.
Dining in.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Unique

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For the Weekly Photo Challenge: Unique & the Stories Behind My Oddities

The Plate: The plate was made expressly for ENG-SKELL CO. The funny thing is I had never paid attention to that detail before rinsing it off for this week’s photo challenge. For the last fifty years it has only been known as the three plated plate. That sounds absolutely ridiculous I know but if you were to ask any one of my siblings they would agree and probably wonder what ever happened to the highly coveted three plated plate. Well kids, now you know.

I have no idea how my family acquired the offbeat plate but it certainly stood out among the everyday serving set, generating many battles and negotiations. One brother would barter, “I’ll give you two matchboxes and a chicken leg if you let me have the three plated plate.” “You’ve got a deal but just for supper. It will be mine again tomorrow.” The other would agree.

Democracy worked for quite some time but like all systems we reached a point when negotiations broke down and civil war erupted. In order to keep peace mother took the beloved dish off the table. Literally. We would have to find something else to fight over.

Fast forward a few decades and I am sole proprietor of the three plated plate. I don’t recall exactly when or how I gained possession of the weighty tan piece of Wallace China. Well maybe I do but if I told you – I’d have to kill you.

The highly coveted three plated plate.
All the way from Cali-For-Ni-A.

The Ring: The unique amethyst ring was found on a beach about 33 years ago and no one knows I hid it came forth to claim it. It appears to be missing a stone in the center. For years a tiny pearl rested there but superglue does not last forever. Recently I was attempting to re-glue the shiny white mineral as my daughter watched. I told her about finding the ring so many years ago and about the pearl I placed there, the one I had picked from my jaw after eating a plate of oysters. “How can you be sure it’s a pearl and not part of your tooth?” she asked. “Because it is smooth and round, I don’t think a piece of tooth would be smooth and round.” I told her. “But you can’t be sure can you?” she giggled. “No I can’t.” I confessed. We had a few good laughs and pondered the ring’s history before I put it away once again and stored the pearl in a Ziploc bag for the tooth fairy further analysis.

See how well it fits my lovely finger.
All the glitters is not gold.

 

The Bowl: I adore this bowl. Not only for the beautiful and unique pattern but because it was a gift. It was during a ladies pinterest project I noticed the woman across from me had a hodgepodge of glassware. I had to walk over and see this bowl with all of its lovely features. I am not a dish collector (I don’t even do pinterest) but I do enjoy peculiar things. Seeing how I admired the dish the nice lady gave it to me. No, really! She said, “Do you want it?” Of course I said yes seeing it was already in my purse.

An intriguing dish. Goldilocks would be pleased.
It looks like China but this says it was made in Japan.

 

 

Crazy Conversations (Moe I’m Dying)

/ Janna Hill / 8 Comments
Cotton, peas, your friends, your seat, your nose… There are a lot of things you can pick. Family isn’t one of them. Disclaimer: Life is crazy, people are crazier and my family… well they get the crazy award if there is one. This is a work of ‘true fiction’ inspired by family. The names have been changed to protect the guilty. CAUTION: They cuss.
 

Moe, I’m Dying

Pippin: I got my lab reports in from the doctor. There’s an H beside half of them, what does that mean?

Kit: High. H means high, L means low.

Pippin: I know that! What do these numbers say about my health?

Kit: Ask your doctor. I forgot to lay anything out- what do you want to eat?

Pippin: I don’t know. Answer the door.

Kit: You answer the door, I’m busy.

Pippin: Come on in man. Did you hear the bad news? I just got handed a death sentence… Moe, I’m dying.

Kit: Do you want chicken or pork chops for dinner?

Pippin: I’m dying and she wants to know if I want pork chops for dinner. Do you see what I’m dealing with Moe?

Kit: We have left over pork chops. They smell a little funny but I think they’ll be okay if I rinse the sticky stuff off.

Pippin: It ain’t bad enough the pork is killing me slowly; she has to add ptomaine to the mix. Have you ever had ptomaine poisoning Moe? It’s bad, real bad. You’ll have to watch that when I’m gone, don’t eat anything around here or you’ll be a goner just like me.

Kit: Okay would you rather have the chicken? It’s still frozen but I could microwave it for a minute or two then fry it.

Pippin: Did you hear that Moe? My only alternative is a radioactive chicken. Not only will it be full of cancer causing radiation but she’s going to boil it in oil so she can finish me off.

Kit: I’m not boiling it in oil, I’m frying it.

Pippin: What’s the difference? My arteries don’t know the difference. My cholesterol is 5000 and you want to argue?

Kit: Oh, you’re talking to me now?

Pippin: See Moe, she’s hoping I’ll get mad and have a heart attack right here in front of her. You’ll have to call 911 – she won’t do it.

Kit: Stop telling him that! You are not dying.

Pippin: I’ve got high blood pressure-”

Kit: And your cholesterol is not 5000, there’s no such thing. No one has ever had cholesterol that high.

Pippin: Don’t listen to her Moe. Look at this here report. I’ve got high pressure, high sugar, high triglycerides…

Kit: You’ve got high hopes too if you think that dog gives a hoot about all of your ailments. Moe, you want a pork chop?

Pippin: Now she’s just trying to hurt my feelings. You love me don’t you Moe? Come back here. Moe heel! Moe… Moe? Dammit Moe you know I’m dying.

Learning to Love Winter

/ Janna Hill / 15 Comments

I have never loved winter. The truth is I have hated her most of my life, I say her because she feels like a cold b*tch.  Sorry warm fuzzy lady friends but winter to me has been a bitter woman with a barren womb… a frustrated old spinster that has never shared an orgasm. She is an ugly gray witch with a huge wart on the end of her nose, or maybe it’s a mole…

Today however I have decided not to hate her. I actually made the decision yesterday but just now got around to sharing my ‘come to meeting’ with Mother Nature. You see we have been experiencing some warm sunny days in this part of Texas, warm enough to spark a storm (lord forgive me I do love a storm) and it was that very tempest that let me see the heart of winter.

I saw her weakness in the barren branches

Her sorrow in the ashen sky

Her longing for an absent lover

As lonely as the winter rye

 

I saw her weakness in the barren branches…
Her sorrow in the ashen sky
Her longing for an absent lover…
As lonely as the winter rye

 

Weekly Photo Challenge: Love

/ Janna Hill / 14 Comments

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

What’s love got to do, got to do with it. Only everything! The lyrics of Tina Turner’s song are entertaining but they speak from a damaged point of view. Resounding fear disguised as brashness, calloused pains and the inability to get past unhealed scars.

What’s love but a second hand emotion. Her voice is bouncing around in my head but all I can imagine are happy hearts.

Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?  Everyone Tina. Everyone needs a heart. Sure it is bound to be broken at least once but so are bones.

Is it better to have never loved at all? Does one suggest a hardened heart? If bones can be broken so can a brittle heart. Nay, I say it is better to love always. Don’t argue with me on this Tina, I know broken bones tend to heal faster than broken hearts but that’s because a bone has never known the fullness of love.

The Heavens paint a lovely picture with a heart shaped cloud.
Love doesn’t care what you wear when you’re fishing.
There is nothing like a mother’s love
Spying on young lover’s Lake Tawakoni
Salty kisses that say I love you.
Heart shaped lines in the sand. May only sorrows be washed away.
Oh heck, now the Bee Gee’s are asking me How can you mend a broken heart? … Love Barry! All you need is love.

Firsts

/ Janna Hill / 13 Comments

2013 Is Off to a Good Start

The first month of 2013 has been awesome so far if we don’t count having the flu and puking through the nose. Having the flu wasn’t a first but blasting vomit through your nostrils- eww, I shudder. I’m over it now and hopefully the mental picture of partially digested food gushing from one’s tiny nares hasn’t left you feeling queasy.  If so I may have just given you the virus and nothing will ever smell the same again. My apologies.

On a more positive note and back to my happy place I realized my first sales in Japan this month. Yay! Domo arigato or is it Doumo arigatou gozaimasu? Either way thank you very much.  Of course I have no way of knowing who is buying Door Number Four, The Perpetual Series or The Rage Trilogy at Japan’s Amazon but I somehow envision them as lonely transplanted Texans and want to bake them cookies.

Another happy first would be my first check from Barnes & Noble. It’s going to be huge y’all and I have already planned to blow the whole amount by treating the family to all you can eat from the dollar menu at Wendy’s. Oh yeah! Nothing but First class for my clan.

[The castle, Denbigh, Wales] (LOC)

I really like this one. Is it still available?

AND the print edition of Interior Verse Plus Pose Prose & Poems just went international/where ever books are sold AND sold the first UK copy. I may be having tea with Queen Elizabeth any day now. Heck, I may get my own castle and invite all of you for beer and barbeque tea and crumpets. What is a crumpet by the way? Would it go well with a tasty beverage of hops and barley?

Also I listed my first book with Smashwords. That was just in the last 48 hours so I have no stats or opinions at this point. If it works out I will list more titles with them. I will also make sure said titles are not under contract with The Eye Amazon. 😉

I’m sure it sounds like I’m ragging on Amazon but it’s all in jest. I am truly grateful for the working relationship I have with the behemoth them and look forward to many years to come.

All of this wonderfulness in the first few weeks of 2013 has made me damn near giddy. Or it might be a side effect of mixing cookies and beer. Idk? Naw, let’s go with the wonderfulness.

Scrapbooks & Culls

/ Janna Hill / 4 Comments

Did you know that scrapbooking is not the same as collecting culled items?  Well it’s not. So what am I supposed to do now with a junkyard collection of photographs? I know they’re snapshots only a mother could love and a professional photographer would never get so attached, but I didn’t claim to be professional. Did I? Dear me I hope not. I think my husband propagated that misconception; he’s always getting me into something. He doesn’t read this blog so it’s safe to make that statement.
Well, with the bride’s permission (and a promise to make her a character in a future story) I’m giving scrapbooking a whole new meaning. If word gets back to hubby and he doesn’t agree with my prior statement I have an entire scrapbook with his name on it. I just giggled to myself at the idea of all the pictures he thought got thrown away. 😀

 

How Do They Do That?!

/ Janna Hill / 7 Comments

More Indie Adventuring

Amazon is the all-seeing eye! Seriously I put my housecoat on before I sat down to write this and if you’re naked you should grab a cover too, unless you’re into that sort of thing.

I know now they see everything or I see now they know everything…  Either way I am aware of their stealthy little spies and spiders, that they are constantly surveying the World Wide Web. How? I don’t know the how’s of such spyjectory but I do know that if you have a title with KDP Select (Kindle Direct Publishing) and you publish it elsewhere they will hunt you down and bring it to your attention. They may go so far as to kill your stuffed bobcat, lord I hope not.

In all fairness the KDP Select agreement states digital books will remain exclusive to Amazon. Well…

A few months ago I decided to combine a series into one e-book The Rage Trilogy. It just so happened one of the books in the series was still signed with Amazon’s KDP Select. I know! I thought I un-checked the box for automatic renewal but apparently I didn’t. The Rage Trilogy was never in KDP Select but it includes a title that was.

Lesson(s) learned: 1) Next time make certain! 2) OCD might come in handy. 3)  Amazon is bigger than the CIA and IRS combined. 4) Spyjectory is my favorite new word. (Call me Merriam and I’ll define it for you)

So now I’m all nervous and a bit paranoid because I received this e-mail from The Eye Amazon where they named the [one] book and included a link to the trilogy @ Barnes and Noble.

How do they do that?!

Here’s a copy of the e-mail:

Hello,
We found the following book(s) you’ve published doesn’t meet the KDP Select content guidelines. Books enrolled in KDP Select must be exclusive to Amazon in digital format while enrolled in the program.
Unjustified Favor (Between the Rage and Grace) (ID: B008D94WHM) is available on:  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-rage-trilogy-janna-hill/1113580485?ean=2940015523058
Please copy and paste the entire URL above into your web browser to see where we found your book. You can also do an online search for your book to discover where else it may be available.
In order for your book to remain in the KDP Select program, we’ll need you to ensure that it is exclusive to Amazon within 5 days from the date of this email. If, after this 5-day period, your book is still not exclusive to Amazon, it will remain for sale in the Kindle Store, but will be removed from KDP Select. Upon its removal, it will no longer be eligible to earn a share of the KDP Select fund.
Please note that repeated violations of the program’s exclusivity requirement may result in loss of KDP Select benefits for all books you have enrolled in the program, such as participation in the Kindle Owner’s Lending Library (KOLL) and the usage of free promotion days, as well as KDP account termination.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Beyond

/ Janna Hill / 8 Comments

For this weeks photo challenge Beyond I didn’t have to go much further than my porch. I snapped these shots of the boys as they drove through the field, a little faster with each pass until they were outside my comfort zone. Once they were on foot I put the camera away and left them to their explorations. I leave you with a little ditty summing up ‘Beyond’.

Beyond my lens, beyond the grins a young man’s confidence blooms

Beyond the tress, beyond the fence…  yonder mischief looms

“I think I can…”
“Oh yeah, we got this”
“I feel the need – the need for speed!”

How to Break into Indie Publishing… One Woman’s Journey

/ Janna Hill / 6 Comments

When interactions turn into interviews. If you don’t already know Staci I’d like to introduce her. She is an Italian weight lifter with a Master’s Degree in writing but don’t let that scare you.

Staci Troilo's avatarStaci Troilo

Janna HillIn my last post of 2012, “The Year in Review,” fellow author and blogger Janna Hill commented that 2012 was a journey for her because it was her first year as an indie author. You know me, I’m always interested in hearing about someone else’s path. I immediately asked her if she’d share her story with me (and you). Despite being sick with the flu, she took a few minutes to answer some questions about her road to independent publishing.

You’re blog’s main focus is photography. Can you talk about how you became a writer? 

Whew! I thought you were going to ask me to talk about photography. How I became a writer requires digging into the memory archives. Let’s see… like most writers I have always written although I was probably 22 years old before I wrote anything for the ‘public’ eye. My debut came as a…

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